Friday, 1 July 2011

On my mind - decluttering people from my life...


Boy, this is a sensitive one!  How on earth do you decide that you need to let some people go from your life, whether it be because you've simply grown apart, no longer have the same interests, or whatever... 

Yeah, it's hard.

I've done it consciously before, and surprisingly once I actually did it, it was a weight lifted off my shoulder.  The person I'm talking about had grown increasingly negative, had found a partner who was a liar and a fraudster, and generally never left me with a "feel good" experience any more, despite us having been very very good friends for 23+ years...

In the end, it was really silly stuff that tipped it over the edge...  silly.  A funeral that only "certain" people were allowed to attend (and a friend who was shouted at because they wanted to dare bring someone not on the "list"), a eulogy delivered by someone who hadn't seen the person for 5 years, other people in tears who hadn't seen the dead guy for about 4 years, a minister who had trouble talking about him because he had two names....  fraud, fraud, fraud... just like the life.

I was sad because this fraudster had sucked my friend in.  Wholly and solely...  and yeah, I guess love can do that to you, but I had a lot of trouble working it out and coming to terms with it.  In the end, it did my head in and the funeral was the end.  That was 2007...

I've had contact with family members of this person since, and they are all just lovely.  I have kind of had a bit of contact with this person themselves - they sent me a birthday card, which I responded to with a birthday card for theirs.  I got an e-mail asking if they and their mother could visit (8 months early) because they were going on a holiday near where we live.  I have been civil but I haven't been overly friendly and I have struggled with this a bit too.

I've struggled because I don't know if I want this person back in my life.  Yes, we knew each other for a long time, but maybe the time came for our friendship to end.  They haven't made any attempt to be any more friendly with me, and that's fine with me for the time being.

I almost decluttered another friend from my life once...  I stopped calling her.  We didn't speak for about 3 or 4 years, then out of the blue I got an e-mail (broadcast type) that her dad was really ill and she was going to help her mum look after him.  I can't remember how I heard that he had passed away, but when I got that news I think I called her...  I think.  I can't remember actually. 

Anyway, I called and we were talking and she said "I know things haven't been good between us" and my reply was that they hadn't actually changed for me.  I was still the same person, still there for her, still her friend - all that had happened was I had stopped calling.  I had gotten tired of only being the one that picked up the phone and made the effort (we live a long distance apart) and the end result was the long period of time between our discussions...

We're still friends by the way!!!  We talk regularly, although lately it had gone back to being a bit one sided, and she hadn't replied to a few messages I'd left... so just this week I made the decision not to call again, but obviously the call I had put into her partner a couple of days earlier asking what on earth was going on, and that I was "very p*ssed off" not to have had even the courtesy of a text telling me she was ok but just didn't want to talk to anyone worked, as she rang me the next day...

We'll see what happens next on that one.

I guess this latest situation has me thinking about the top situation and whether I want to extend the olive branch or let it be.  It's a tough one.  We were good friends once, but I just wonder if that time has now passed.

Does anyone have any advice on things I can think about when I make this decision???  (or don't make a decision, which in effect is making a decision)


  1. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person,


  2. KImmie said it pretty well, you'll know what is best.

  3. I was thinking the same as what Kimmie wrote. :)

  4. This is really hard isn't it - something I've been thinking about too. hugs
    - Scather @